it’s another regular day for you and jeno, your backs pressed against your mattress and eyes gazing up at the ceiling of your dorm room. his body was so incredibly close to yours. your shoulders are touching and his pinky grazes against the side of your hand. the moment feels intimate, like it’s yours and his alone and how you want to savor it before your roommate walks in to catch jeno’s attention.
“hey,” jeno nudges you, turning over on his side to face you. you feel his gaze and you try your best not to freeze in place.
“have you ever been in love? like, have you ever actually fallen for someone?” he asks and you want to laugh.
the whole situation is stupid.
jeno is stupidly in love with your roommate while you’re stupidly in love with your best friend. you secretly dubbed yourselves two idiots in love.
“why are you asking?” you try to deflect the question.
he gives you a look, “why aren’t you answering?”
you sigh before saying, “yes.”
jeno’s brown eyes widen in curiosity. “do i know this person?”
“i’m not telling you, idiot,” you spit back. he tries to pull that puppy dog look that always gets you but you refuse to spill your secret. as long as your feelings for him aren’t revealed, you can still keep your place in his arms even if it’s just pretend.
playing pretend and fake dating is better than not having lee jeno at all.
“okay, fine. be that way,” jeno pouts. “but…”
“what does it feel like?”
knowing jeno wouldn’t judge, you sigh before closing your eyes. you feel his hand grab hold of yours and your heart beat increases. you feel it pounding against your chest, fighting for an escape. you hear it in your ears and as jeno’s head drops back down and nuzzles into your shoulder, you wonder if he can hear your crazy pulse, too.
“it feels like a lot of things,” you start, thinking about when you first fell for jeno.
you were at a beach, admiring golden hour before the time came for the sun to set.
you admired jeno as the soft colors of daylight painted his skin, highlighting his beauty. you felt your heart race and your face flush with heat as your gaze locked onto him. jeno never noticed your stare, too absorbed in the sight in front of him.
although there were the butterflies and the heat rushing through your body, there was also a sense of peacefulness when you looked at jeno. just having him at your side, you felt at ease, like nothing could ever go wrong as long as you were with him.
in that moment and every moment after, lee jeno felt like home.
you open your eyes and shift ever so slightly to lock eyes with your best friend. “it feels easy, i guess,” you say with a fond smile, “but mostly, falling in love feels like home,” you say with the fondest smile.
jeno looks in your eyes and he sees the way they sparkle as you talk about love. he had never seen you look that way before, so beautiful and at peace with yourself. he wonders who that person is.
“are you still in love with them?” jeno asks, his brown eyes searching your own.
your soft smile turns into a bitter one, with furrowed brows and wrinkles around your eyes. “i am,” you answer truthfully as you look straight into the eyes of your love, “i guess i am.”